One of the joys of undertaking research is when you get to travel to new areas, happily abandoning husband to his own devices and setting forth with the anticipated joy of a full night's sleep without his snoring!
When the client is booking the hotels, unfortunately you don't get a choice as to where it might be that you rest your weary head. So, that first glimpse of the hotel as your TomTom navigates you to the car park can be the moment when your heart skips a little beat … or … sinks to the end of your feet with heavy abandon.
Twenty hotels in two months
Recently I have been working away on a regular basis and have now stayed in approximately twenty hotels over the past couple of months or so. These trips have also mostly meant three different hotel on three consecutive evenings. This is all well and good, but it can cause some confusion when you wake in the middle of the night and try and open the wardrobe door thinking that it leads to the bathroom because the door was on that side in the hotel the night before!
Anyhow, where do I start?
Premier Inns. I have yet to see one invoice £29 a night (obviously Lenny Henry has got all the cheap rooms) but on the whole they do what they say on the tin. A generous size room, basic bathroom, usually central to where you want to be and clean.
The one exception actually had a fantastic location, was very small and stuck on the edge of the Derbyshire Moors with marvellous views of fields, fields and more fields. Great for a walking holiday, but not so good if you find that it is actually 7 miles away from where you are holding your focus groups.
Then there was the Ramada which produced a heart skipping moment as the car pulled up in front of the magnificent Georgian listed building. But the same heart rapidly sank as the chipped paintwork, worn 1980's decoration, sockets not secured into walls and faulty electronic keys manifested themselves.
Your water - boiling or freezing 'mam?
To make matters worse, I was originally placed in the annexe, where, in order to secure hot water, pipes ran through every room, raising the temperature to near tropical levels. To add insult to injury, the skirting boards were filthy, and when moved to the main building I discovered that the trade off for a reduced room temperature and better cleaning team involved all the hot water being diverted to the annexe, leaving me with an icy cold shower next morning.
Oh yes, and the curtain dropped off the rail.
On the other hand there was the lovely Victorian vicarage near Lincoln with just 12 rooms, home made biscuits, country home feel and chickens in the garden - sheer bliss.
£200 a night luxury
In the Midlands was a wonderful £200 per night (thank you client) Spa hotel, which was pure luxury. Not a bedroom, but a suite with a dressing room too, plasma TV over the bath … wonderful if I could have worked out how to turn it on.
The only downside to this hotel was the fact that as we did not finish focus groups until gone 10.30 p.m. we had to eat our own food in the bedrooms after we had finished preparing workshops for the next day. Not a problem when you had a nearby M&S Food Hall to raid, but this place was in the middle of nowhere so I had my old standby at the ready. Wish I had realized that the chamber maid turned your bed down for you in this hotel as I still blush when I think of them spotting my old hot water bottle (sciatica) and the standby Pot Noodle on the side waiting for me.
Hygiene optional
I could go on and on but I won't bore you - the last example is the hotel in Liverpool that looked and was very nice complete with pool but cleaning and hygiene were not high on the agenda. I stayed there twice in the same month and the same elastoplast was on the pool side on both visits - and when I came to pack, I dropped a sock, bent down to pick it up and found a pair of men's underpants under the chair (and no, I had not had visitors).
All this leads me to the final piece de resistance which is actually not about a business trip, but involved my husband and I on a leisure trip. As he bent down to pick his hankie up from the side of the bed, he picked up somebody's condom (unused thank goodness!)
And that dear reader is it - if you want to know which hotels to avoid please do get in touch.